The PAINS of Sunset
by sabbymae
Summary: A short funny. The Hero of Brightwall finds the Pangs of Sunset. Too bad Reaver comes by and sees the book and is not too happy.


The Hero of Brightwall pulled her gloves up tighter against her fingers before digging into the damp soil of the grave along with her doggie companion. She had questioned if getting a book out of someone's grave in the Mourningwood was sane and or ethical. All the princess could do was hope it was well worth the trouble of blowing up all those annoying skeletons along the way.

Finally, the dog's claws hit something and he pulled out the book. The princess took it from his mouth, gave him a quick pat, and decided to crack it open for a quick read through.

Now, her brother Logan prohibited many books from the library so that they didn't catch her eyes, though a few oddball books had appeared now and then in her findings. However, he would have a heart attack if he knew what literal filth she was reading now.

".._Theresa__had said 'take my hand.'__Hammer__had done as she was told, and at the touch of the warm flesh she felt a surge within her." _The princess paused and looked at her dog_. _"Oh, I think this is when Hammer's powers are unlocked, boy." She looked back at the book and continued to read. "…_A feeling at first that she couldn't identify- it was scary, but it was arousing too."_ The Hero of Brightwall looked over at her furry companion once more, but with a puzzled look. Her dog merely tilted his head to the side then yawned. She shrugged and continued: "_She'd had thoughts of women before but never acted on them. Now it was all she could think about- it made her excited; as excited she had been the night she secretly spied on__Garth__and__Reaver__.__ –" _The princess sputtered.

"Wha- this is the historic piece of literature?!" She blushed. This seemed like a smutty book she wasn't allowed to read back at the castle, even though her brother owned a huge collection of them himself. One that she was always curious about was one titled "Fifty Shades of Fable." She wondered briefly if this is the kind of stories her brother liked to read on his off time.

But what was odd, was that REAVER was in it. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Instead she continued reading, "_They were so forceful with each other, and yet so tenderly yielding." _The hell did that mean? And when is Reaver tender about anything? He's as submissive and tender as a white Balverie. She didn't know a thing about Garth except from what he father had told her and Logan about him, but he didn't seem like a tender, yielding type from what she heard, either. "_The memory of that night brought a sickeningly delicious pit to her stomach. Her pulse quickened, and she let her robe slip from her shoulders and stepped into the warm bath, thinking of the two men."_ The hero coughed. "_She began to recreate that night in her mind…._Oh thank god, it's the end of the chapter." She got hit on by lesbians a lot, but she didn't want to read about what they did.

"…_Next Chapter: Dark Wizard, Passionate Rogue."_ She stared at the Chapter title for a long moment. This, however…she could get into. Looking around to make sure her brother didn't mysteriously jump out of the crypts to stop her, she read the smutty chapter involving the two men. "…Don't tell anyone I read this." She said to the dog, as though he would say a word. He barked in reply before lying down on the ground.

Later that month, the Hero of Brightwall was busy at the castle with meetings. Reaver was back in town from going to his…arranged meeting with his 'old friends'. He went into the main office. His usual cocky smile was on his face, and his clothes as spotless as ever. The Hero turned from her deskwork and merely stared at the businessman as though there was a giant, flesh eating bug on his clothes.

Reaver quirked an eyebrow. "Is…there something the matter your majesty?" He asked. "I realize that I have been gone for a long time, but really. Yes—I am so handsome I make jaws drop but that insn't like you in the least…" He thought he was teasing her as usual, but she just continued to stare while her hand slowly started scooting a book she was reading off under some papers. She thought he didn't see that, but he did.

"I er-"She stuttered. "Excuse me for a moment; I forgot to tell my maid something I need her to do for me."

"…Take your time, your majesty," Reaver slowly said while watching her get out of her chair and darting off into the hall, mainly to yell at whoever was in charge of the schedules for today for not informing her Reaver would arrive.

Reaver stood there for a moment longer to make sure she as well down the hallway before he strolled over to the desk. "And what naughty little secrets is our dear Queen hiding from _moi_?" He purred as he shoved the papers aside and saw a book. "Hmm…the Pangs of Sunset? Never heard of it." He picked the book up and flipped open to a random chapter. As he scanned the pages, his little smirk of interest over the Queen's little hobby started to slip into a frown. That from soon turned into a wide eyed, teeth gritted expression of disgust.

"Someone wrote about me without my permission?!" He growled. "And further more—with…that drawl old wizard?! I would prefer to be in the bathtub in a threesome! This is a gross mischaracteriza- I AM NOT ON BOTTOM!" He heard the door click open and the hero queen stood there like a deer in headlights as soon as she saw him holding the book open. He looked at her with his face wiped clean of emotion as he slammed the book shut in one hand. "My dear, _dear_, Queen…" His face turned into a forced smile. "Where did you procreate this from?" He held the book up and wagged it in the air a little. The queen started to nervously giggle like she did when she was in trouble as a child.

"I…er…" Her eyes darted around the room until they landed on the open window. "Gotta go." She then ran to the window and dove right through the open panel. Reaver went over to look down from the several stories up to see she had grabbed onto the ledge of one of the lower windows and was climbing her way down to the courtyard.

"You can run, but I'll get to the bottom of this!" Reaver yelled after her. That made her suddenly crack up involuntarily hearing him say 'bottom', due to the very explicit contents of the book and Reaver's position in it. He growled, knowing full well why she was laughing.

It was his turn to point and laugh when from all the hero's laughing, she slipped and fell into one of the large hedges in the courtyard below and tumbled into the water pond. "You bloody deserved that, my queen," Reaver said. He turned back to the god awful book in his hand. He looked for the author's name. Ilona Pureheart. He vowed to hunt down this woman and shoot her mercilessly in the ovaries.

Unfortunate for him, she was already dead.

"God damn it all!"


End file.
